Telling Your Kid the Goldfish Died
/ theguysmanual
Grape-Nuts and ESPN's Kenny Mayne team up to show you how to be the strong, empathetic dad when your kid loses their first pet in this episode of the Guy's Manual.
HOST KENNY MAYNE
Death waits for no man. Or animal. Certainly not one who lives in an
unfiltered bowl on your living room
hutch. Just ask our friend, Gary, here.
MILES
Dad? I think there's something wrong with Swimmy.
KENNY MAYNE
Okay, Gar. I know what you're thinking: Tell the boy his fish is
meditating. But eventually you'll have to tell him the truth. These tiny nuggets of wisdom will help you navigate the grieving process. First off, don't underestimate your child's grief.
MILES
Dad, I think there's something wrong with Swimmy.
GARY
I guess we'll have to name him something else.
KENNY MAYNE
Bad move, Gar. True, this creature had a brain the size of a bacon bit, but your child loved him just the same.
Taking the time to share in his pain will only help to ease it.
GARY
I know, son. While others may yet swim, there won't be another Swimmy.
KENNY MAYNE
Your best bet is to tactfully explain the nature of that wheel in the sky. And how it keeps on turning.
GARY
...and now grandma is feeding Swimmy. President Lincoln, too.
KENNY MAYNE
After that, help your little guy arrange a tasteful backyard funeral.
MILES
Swimmy was a good fish. He liked swimming.
KENNY MAYNE
Your son will get the closure he needs if he's able to say a proper goodbye.
This final tip is fairly self explanatory.
MILES
Oh, wow! Thanks, Dad. I will name him Swimmy II.
KENNY MAYNE
Well played, Gar. That should take care of that.
MILES
Dad, I just gave Swimmy II a bath. With real soap!
KENNY MAYNE
Gary, I hope you own a lot of shoe boxes. Until next time, enjoy
being a man who gets the tough
things done.
